Making Time For Friends While Still Leaning In And Buying Diapers

This would be Sandra Stone with Sara Hook and me in high school at the University of North Carolina School of the Arts backstage getting ready to perform in one of the most punishingly cruel, maniacally demanding pieces I've ever done in my life.  

For those of you who don’t know I was a professional Modern Dancer before becoming a writer.

If you haven’t read my previous blog about this piece  http://andthencamehenry.blogspot.com/2012/03/what-i-learned-from-dance.html it was one of those seminal, life changing moments.

The music for the dance was the Adagietto from Mahler's 5th

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGiZgAE2wQ8

I chose to share this recording because it gives context to what I’m feeling and is closest in timing to Mahler's original vision - which for me is the only way to experience it.

I’m writing about dance again because I just spent the week with Sandy and her family (they just left this morning) and I already miss her in a way that has caught me off guard.  Leveled me actually.  Made me examine the nature of friendships and the impact they have on our lives.  My life to be exact.

What’s weird is that I haven’t seen Sandy in YEARS - we connect from time to time on FB - but it’s not like I think about her everyday, yet being with her this week has brought up such powerful emotions.  

Maybe it’s because we were in boarding school together at such a young age - that certainly accounts for developing close bonds.  I also think that when you dance with someone - perform on stage - you form an even deeper connection because you learn to depend on each other in this incredibly primal way that transcends everyday life.

So there’s that.

But there’s also the fact that I allowed myself to take walks with her this week.  I made time for our two families to sit down and actually have dinner... together.  

I.  Took.  The.  Time.  To.  Be.  With.  Her.

And it was worth it. 

Hanging out with Sandy has gotten me thinking why I don’t prioritize making time to see friends on a regular basis.  Because it's not like I don't have friends and it's not like I don't want to see them.

It’s pretty obvious that when we’re younger we simply have more free time and as we get older we get caught up in life's responsibilities - the day-to-day minutia.  My go to excuse is frequently, “I can't do XXX right now, I'm on deadline."  Then there's the mundane, seemingly important bullshit, "We’re out of diapers.  Did you pick up the dry cleaning?” Yes, we adults have more responsibilities to our families, to our work - but there is something to be said about having a responsibility to yourself and this underrated notion of hanging out - whether it be taking walks with a friend or listening to music or just having a good laugh.  I’m lucky that my husband has become my best friend, but even he and I don’t hang out nearly enough. 

Take away from this week.

Make time for friends while still leaning in and buying diapers.